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How to use this worksheet
This interactive worksheet is based on the principles of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real. Work through it together — in person, side by side. Your entries stay on this page and are never sent anywhere. When you're done, use the summary button at the bottom to review what you each shared.
Before you begin: sit facing each other, take three slow breaths together, and agree that the goal today is understanding — not winning. One person speaks at a time. Use a soft tone.
Phase 1 · The speaker's experience
Sharing what happened — from your side
The speaker describes the event and their inner experience. No blame, no interpretation of the other person's motives. Only "I" statements.
1Choose who speaks first. The other partner's role right now is only to listen — no defending, no countering.
2Use the sentence starters below. Fill them in the text boxes or speak them aloud and write the key words.
"When _____ happened, I noticed I felt…"
"The story I told myself in that moment was…"
"What I most needed and didn't get was…"
The speaker's emotions right now pick all that apply
hurt
invisible
scared
angry
frustrated
sad
disconnected
ashamed
lonely
overwhelmed
unheard
hopeful
Phase 2 · The listener reflects back
Showing your partner they were truly heard
The listener now reflects — not to agree or disagree, but to demonstrate understanding. This is the core of relational repair.
3Use these sentence starters to reflect what you heard. Speaker: correct gently if something was missed.
"What I heard you say is… Did I get that right?"
"The feeling I heard underneath that was…"
"I can understand why you'd feel that way because…"
Speaker: after your partner reflects, ask yourself honestly — "Do I feel seen right now?" If not, gently say what was missed. Repair is a collaboration, not a performance.
Phase 3 · Switch roles
The second partner shares their experience
Repeat phases 1 and 2 with roles reversed. The original listener now becomes the speaker — sharing their side with "I" statements and no retaliation.
"When _____ happened, I noticed I felt…"
"The story I told myself in that moment was…"
"What I most needed and didn't get was…"
"What I heard you say is… Did I get that right?"
"I can understand why you'd feel that way because…"
Phase 4 · Offers and repair
Moving toward each other — not just compromise
RLT teaches that repair isn't about splitting the difference — it's about choosing relationship over ego. Each partner now makes a genuine offer.
Partner A's offer
"One thing I can do differently next time is…"
"What I need from you to feel safe enough to do that is…"
Partner B's offer
"One thing I can do differently next time is…"
"What I need from you to feel safe enough to do that is…"
Phase 5 · Closing the loop
A moment of shared appreciation
RLT emphasizes moving from grandiosity or shame into full-presence love. End by naming something real you appreciate — this repairs the nervous system and reaffirms the bond.
Partner A
"Something I genuinely appreciate about you or about today is…"
Partner B
"Something I genuinely appreciate about you or about today is…"
After this conversation, we agree to…
✓Give each other 24 hours before revisiting the topic if tensions rise again
✓Use a code word to signal "I need a pause" before escalating
✓Return to this worksheet for the next conflict — practice is the path
Our agreed pause word is
Session summary