Questions to Ask When a Loved One Is Seriously Ill

When someone you love is facing serious or terminal illness, dementia, or the end of life, it can feel overwhelming. You may not know what questions to ask — or even who to ask. This guide is here to help. The right questions can help you understand what is happening, what choices you have, and how to get the best care for your family member.

Questions to Ask the Doctor or Medical Team

Start by making sure you understand the diagnosis and what to expect. Ask:

• What is my family member's diagnosis, and what does it mean in plain language?
• What will happen if we treat this — and what will happen if we don't?
• How much time does my family member have, and how certain are you?
• What are the goals of care right now — to cure, to manage symptoms, or to keep them comfortable?
• Is hospice or palliative care an option? What is the difference?
• Who else should be on the care team — social worker, chaplain, counselor?

Questions to Ask About Legal and Financial Matters

These conversations are not easy, but they are important. Ask early — before a crisis happens (American Bar Association, 2022):

• Does my family member have an advance directive or living will? If not, can we create one now?
• Who has power of attorney — meaning, who is legally allowed to make decisions if they cannot?
• Does the hospital have a patient advocate or social worker who can help us understand our rights?

Questions to Ask Caregivers and Home Health Aides

• What are the signs that my family member's condition is getting worse?
• What should I do — and who should I call — in an emergency?
• How can I help at home without causing harm?
• Are there community resources for respite care so I can take a break?

Questions to Ask About Dementia or Cognitive Decline

Dementia affects memory, behavior, and decision-making. It is not just forgetfulness — it is a disease of the brain (Alzheimer's Association, 2024). Ask:

• What stage of dementia is my family member in, and what should we expect next?
• How do we keep them safe at home as the disease progresses?
• When should we consider a memory care facility?

Taking Care of Yourself, Too

Caring for a loved one at the end of life is one of the hardest things a person can do. Grief can start before someone dies — this is called anticipatory grief (Rando, 1986). It is normal. Ask your family member's social worker or doctor about support groups, counseling, and respite services in your area. You cannot pour from an empty cup.