What Is Parentification?

Parentification occurs when children assume responsibilities that typically belong to adults (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 1973). Instead of being cared for, these children become the caregivers—whether that means cooking meals, managing household bills, caring for younger siblings, or providing emotional support to a struggling parent.

Think of it as an invisible role reversal. While all children have age-appropriate chores and responsibilities, parentified children carry burdens that exceed their developmental capabilities (Schorr & Goldner, 2023). They might feel like they're "stepping on glass"—constantly alert, always responsible, never able to be a kid.

Two Types of Parentification

Researchers identify two primary forms of Parentification (Jurkovic, 1997; Rana & Das, 2021):

Instrumental Parentification involves taking on practical household tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, paying bills, or caring for siblings. While this can build competence when temporary and acknowledged, it becomes harmful when it's constant and unrecognized.

Emotional Parentification is often more damaging. This happens when children become their parent's confidant, therapist, or emotional support system. They might comfort a depressed parent, mediate parental conflicts, or suppress their own needs to maintain family stability (Schorr & Goldner, 2023).

What Causes Parentification?

Parentification doesn't happen because parents are intentionally trying to harm their children. It often emerges from difficult circumstances (Glebova et al., 2025):

• Parental mental illness or substance abuse

• Divorce or single-parent households

• Immigration and cultural displacement

• Poverty and economic stress

• Parental physical illness or disability

• Family trauma or domestic violence

For example, immigrant families may rely on children who learn the new language faster to navigate medical appointments, legal documents, and cultural systems—a phenomenon known as "cultural brokering" (Tannenbaum-Baruchi et al., 2025). While this can build valuable skills, it also places adult responsibilities on young shoulders.

The "Responsibiligated" Experience

Children of deaf adults (CODAs) offer a particularly clear window into Parentification. Researchers coined the term "responsibiligated" to describe how these children simultaneously feel both responsible for and obligated to help their parents (Tannenbaum-Baruchi et al., 2025). This captures a key truth about Parentification: it's not just about what children do—it's about feeling they have no choice.

Many parentified children describe creating a "split self"—an outer self that appears capable and mature, while their inner child remains hidden, vulnerable, and unmet (Schorr & Goldner, 2023). As one researcher noted, this creates a "balance of horror" where children sacrifice their own well-being to keep the family system functioning.

The Sibling Connection

When one child is parentified, it affects the entire sibling system. Research on siblings experiencing parental maltreatment reveals complex dynamics (Katz et al., 2022):

• Sibling camaraderie: Siblings band together for mutual protection and support

• Parentified sibling: One child becomes the "little parent" to other siblings

• Sibling abuse: Sometimes the stress leads to harmful dynamics between siblings

• Sibling cut-off: Relationships may fracture under the strain

The eldest daughter often carries the heaviest burden, particularly in emotional Parentification (Schorr & Goldner, 2023). These children might protect younger siblings from witnessing abuse, make funny faces while being beaten to distract their siblings, or ensure vulnerable siblings are never left alone with an unsafe parent.

Long-Term Effects

The impact of Parentification extends far beyond childhood. Research shows both challenges and unexpected strengths:

Common struggles include:

• Difficulty setting boundaries in relationships

• Anxiety and hypervigilance

• Depression and low self-esteem

• Challenges with identity formation

• Continuing to prioritize others' needs over your own

• "Destructive entitlement"—unconsciously expecting others to finally meet your unmet needs (Glebova et al., 2025)

But there can also be strengths:

• Enhanced empathy and emotional intelligence

• Strong caregiving abilities

• Resilience and problem-solving skills

• Heightened creativity and sensitivity

• Early development of independence (when balanced with support)

The key difference lies in whether the Parentification was acknowledged, temporary, and developmentally appropriate, or whether it was chronic, unrecognized, and beyond the child's capacity (Rana & Das, 2021).

Cultural Considerations

Parentification looks different across cultures. In some communities, children taking on household responsibilities and caring for family members is normative and expected (Rana & Das, 2021). The question isn't whether children help—it's whether that help comes at the cost of their own development and whether their contributions are recognized and appreciated.

Muslim Arab adult survivors in one study emphasized that siblings could never fully replace parents—illustrated by the saying, "You cannot compare milk from a bottle to the milk of a mother." In contrast, Jewish survivors sometimes described their parentified siblings as their "real parents" (Katz et al., 2022). These cultural perspectives matter in understanding each person's experience.

When Parentification Becomes Intergenerational

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of Parentification is how it can continue across generations. Parents who were parentified as children often struggle with their own parenting, sometimes alternating between being overly permissive (infantilization) or continuing the cycle by turning to their own children for support (Schorr & Goldner, 2023).

This happens not because these parents are bad people, but because they never learned what healthy parent-child relationships look like. Their own "inner child" remains unmet, creating what therapists call "destructive entitlement"—an unconscious expectation that someone should finally meet those childhood needs (Ducommun-Nagy, 2025).

Healing Is Possible

If this article resonates with you, know that healing from Parentification is absolutely possible. Here are some starting points:

1. Recognize the pattern
Simply naming your experience as Parentification can be validating. You weren't "mature for your age"—you were doing what you had to do to survive.

2. Grieve what was lost
Allow yourself to mourn the childhood you didn't get to have. This grief is real and deserves space.

3. Learn to receive
Many people who were parentified struggle to accept help or care from others. Practice saying yes when support is offered.

4. Set boundaries
You can honor your parents or family members while also protecting your own well-being. These aren't mutually exclusive.

5. Explore the "split self"
Therapy can help integrate that capable outer self with your vulnerable inner child—letting all parts of you exist together.

6. Consider contextual therapy
This therapeutic approach specifically addresses Parentification, helping you understand your family patterns while moving toward healthier relationships (Ducommun-Nagy, 2025; Glebova et al., 2025).

7. Break the cycle
If you're a parent yourself, awareness of Parentification can help you avoid repeating the pattern with your own children.

A Note on "Exoneration"

Healing from Parentification doesn't mean pretending everything was okay. But it often involves understanding your parents' own stories—recognizing that they, too, may have been victims of circumstances beyond their control (Ducommun-Nagy, 2025). This understanding—called "exoneration" in therapy—isn't about excusing harm. It's about freeing yourself from anger that only hurts you.

One survivor described it perfectly: trying to understand your parent's limitations while accepting the unfairness of what happened allows you to "see them as another human being who also was a victim of injustice" (Glebova et al., 2025).

Final Thoughts

Parentification represents one of those invisible family dynamics that profoundly shapes who we become. If you carried adult burdens as a child, those experiences are part of your story—but they don't have to define your future.

Many people who have experienced Parentification go on to become deeply empathic, capable adults who can form healthy relationships and break intergenerational cycles. With support, you can honor the strength it took to survive your childhood while finally giving yourself permission to receive the care you always deserved.

You don't have to keep "stepping on glass." It's never too late to tend to the child within who needed—and still needs—care.

References

Boszormenyi-Nagy, I., & Spark, G. M. (1973). Invisible loyalties: Reciprocity in intergenerational family therapy. Harper & Row.

Ducommun-Nagy, C. (2025). The essence of contextual therapy, its place in the field of family therapy, and its role in the future. Family Process, 64(1), e13070. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.13070

Garber, B. D. (2011). Parental alienation and the dynamics of the enmeshed parent-child dyad: Adultification, parentification, and infantilization. Family Court Review, 49(2), 322–335. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2011.01374.x

Glebova, T., Lal, A., & Gangamma, R. (2025). Relational ethics in immigrant families: The contextual therapy five-dimensional framework. Family Process, 64(1), e13071. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.13071

Jurkovic, G. J. (1997). Lost childhoods: The plight of the parentified child. Brunner/Mazel.

Katz, C., Cohen, N., Tener, D., & Nadan, Y. (2022). Sibling dynamics in the context of parental child maltreatment: A theoretical model grounded in data. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 14(4), 660–673. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12486

Rana, R., & Das, A. (2021). Parentification: A review paper. The International Journal of Indian Psychology, 9(1), 44–50. https://doi.org/10.25215/0901.006

Schorr, S., & Goldner, L. (2023). "Like stepping on glass": A theoretical model to understand the emotional experience of childhood parentification. Family Relations, 72(5), 3029–3048. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12833